Multi-faceted technicolor anxiety dream woke me up in the middle of the night. I was having a party of some sort, a tedious ex-boyfriend was there; a small child had carved its name in big letters the wooden floor of the front room (of rental house); Piers Morgan's Bisson Frise had attached itself to me and was following me around (Piers wasn't there, and I don't suppose he owns a little white dog either. It was lost and I didn't know what to do with it); then a mum from primary school playground turned up and started having a go at me for not putting my oar in with the PTA and just writing about it on the sneery sidelines (clue for Debbie McD - Chicago, Mortlake Rd), she wasn't so much mad at me as really, really upset. Ak.
Spent the rest of the night going over and over the reality check-list. Freelance work has dried completely. Four weeks now of nothing. Another fret was call yesterday from newspaper editor. Some advice I'd given didn't work out for a reader and he's fuming. I had to state my sources and go through pattern of how I'd got the information. Thankfully it was from a rock-solid national association of the trade, and she's so nice, the editor, and doesn't blame me or anything, but just a little add-on to all the rest of it.
I applied for another job yesterday. One of middle of night frets was whether putting my writing work on my CV is doing me any favours. Like many I have several, depending on what I'm going for. But are companies becoming increasingly wary of writers? There's all the blog thing (which of course I don't mention). I might be better leaving writing off completely. Even though I'm proud of my achievements and it shows I haven't been sitting on my arse these last 12 years (well, sort of). Or maybe I keep it non-creative, just flag up the non-fiction? But then isn't it worse having a journalist in the company than someone who makes up fiction? So there was all that to mull over. Has the freelance work really dried up so much or am I just at the bottom of the pile because of turning down a job when I was finishing the novel? Do I contact her again? Solution: research other agencies and see if they want freelancers.
Then the novel agents. It's with 2 at the moment, and I must send out some more query letters, but am still rewriting. Shouldn't I wait until the rewrites are in and then go full on again? So why aren't I writing now? Solution: Get off this blog NOW.
Bye bye, thanks for visiting, come again soon.