Friday, January 18, 2008


Not the novel, sadly.

I expect 99% of Londoners are feeling glum today. It's one of those low-skied rainy days here without any light in it whatsoever. This, after yesterday evening's electric blue skies and lightening streaks. No news from agent, but that's really very low down the priority list. The writing is all I talk about here. I prefer to keep the goings on of my own life away from the internet, mainly for the benefit of others who are involved in it who don't wish to see themselves written up in a public diary. But the events of the past few months are catching up with me. You know those charts that list the moments in life when you're most susceptible to stress? In my house we've had them all: partner's serious illness - cancer and chemotherapy meant no work and threat of bankruptcy. The prognosis was initially very bad (liver) but this turned out to be a mistake (!) - handy hint - if ever diagnosed with liver cancer, have a separate scan in a different hospital. (In our case this was done by accident as, under the medical insurance, a choice of treatment centres were offered and we decided to switch to make the journeys for chemo easier). This all led to post-chemo clinical depression, sprinkled with scary moments where I was paying the rent and rates by Mastercard, to moving from house to one bed flat and getting rid of most of my possessions (Buddhist religion recommended) and the death of my mother (Christian religion ditto). I'm one of those survivor types and have many blessings, fantastic family and unbelievably wonderful friends, my own health, etc etc but coping with someone else's depression is the pits. The post-chemo scan showed the treatment had been successful, the financial problems have miraculously disappeared thanks to a very unexpected injection of cash, and the one bedroom flat is big and gorgeous and in one of the most beautiful parts of one of the most beautiful cities in the world. But coping with someone else's depression - whoooo arrr. Thing is, it's starting to affect me now, so to stop us all going under, it's time to obey the doctors and take the chemical cure. Let's hope it works.

Bye bye, thanks for visiting, come again soon.


Anne Brooke said...

Terribly sorry to hear of all your huge difficulties recently - sending heartfelt hugs and also glad to see things are improving for you.


liz fenwick said...

(((()))) Depression is terrible. Been there. Thinking of you.

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear all this. The Wheel of Fortune must surely be moving back upwards for you. You and your family deserve every happiness.

L-Plate Author said...

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you on all accounts. Best of xx

genevieve said...

Sending hugs your way, Amanda - I am relieved to hear the treatment for your partner was successful, and hope you both feel better very soon. Goodness, you are a trouper, that's a whole sack of stress there, and then some.

It's no fun being dependent on bloody sunshine or pills or both, is it - I do remember what that's like, mine was more like a burnout than the full monty, but still not nice... Take care.